Hello there!
It’s me again, here for another round of rambling like a fool.
Nah, I’m kiddin’. This is me, stepping up to my soapbox to share my thoughts that hopefully will resonate with you, my dear reader.
Or you know, give you something to ponder about, at least.
There’s so many topics to choose from. So many thoughts I’d like to discuss and dissect. But do you ever get that feeling where it feels like you have a lot of things to talk about, but also so little to talk about? Or that feeling where you want to talk to someone, but also don’t want to talk to someone?
That’s what and how I’ve been feeling lately.
And well… I just attributed that to…. drum rolls
BURNOUT!!!
throws confetti
Meh. I’m sorry, I throw that word around, thinking I actually know what it means.
But hey.
Even if I may not understand it (wait, is this my self-deprecating persona talking?!), I do know how it feels. My body knows how it feels because I have AND am still experiencing burnout. Heck, I’ve been in survival mode for so long I can no longer even remember WHEN it actually started!
I think I’ve hit rock bottom… again. I hit it once, when the personal shit storm happened a few years back. I took steps to get out of it — pushed myself to practice self-care ways and all.
It was difficult. A lot of baby steps were made. I thought I managed to pull myself off the ground.
But then again, shit happened again that knocked me down to the bottom once more.
I wanted to cry.
Buuuuuut…. my tears have already dried up. I’ve already cried a lot this month, lol. I thought since this is my birth month, the heavens would be kinder to me. But turns out, I’ve been dealt with another bad hand to play.
*Le sigh*
I’m tired…
I’m tired of trying to survive.
I’m tired of being stuck in a hellish prison called the workplace. I’m tired of getting crushed by never-ending bills.
I’m tired of wasting more than forty hours a week doing something that crushes my soul.
Now, I know this may sound like I’m complaining. But hear me out on this.
Why does it feel like basic necessities are starting to get stuck behind a paywall?
Our technology has improved and advanced way faster than expected.
But why does it feel like our quality of life has deteriorated?
Okay, I’ll take that back. There have, indeed, been improvements as well.
But again… why are people still stuck working two or three jobs, just to make ends meet?
Why are people still working forty hours a week?
Stuck in offices?
Sitting in traffic?
Less freedom to travel?
Less time to create human connection?
Why does everything feel so…. Fast?
And I know I’m not the only one feeling this way.
I’ve been saying this for so long: the system we lived in is rigged. The very system we’re all surviving in is designed to keep us exactly here.
If I had a magic wand right now, I’d wish the world would slow down for a bit.
You know…
Just so we can all catch our breath.
I want to live.
I want to experience life the way it is supposed to be experienced.
For now, let me lay down here on the rock bottom. And if you’re also here, in this spot, you’re not alone.
It’s okay to rest. Let’s extend some grace to ourselves for now.
And when you’re ready to move again, to face life once again, you can borrow the strength from this exchange:
That’s from Rhapsodia Chronicles: Into a World of Illusions — a story I’ve been writing for decades. Somehow, it keeps finding ways to speak to my real life too.
How are you holding up, my friend?
I’d genuinely like to know.
Ayana's corner! 